A Happy Marriage By Fulfilling Your Childhood Desires

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Do you know what kind of selfishness of women turns men off? The things in the list below are totally understandable for girls as what they would do “because I like him!” But, it is a big burden for him, so it is a scary difference of view that might lead a sudden end of a relationship.

Unless you realize fundamental parts of the reasons why this difference occurs, you are going to keep making the same mistakes and that might make it harder for you to get married. In other words, as long as you know them, you can build a happy relationship.

The base of the selfishness is your childhood desires that weren’t fulfilled.

He is being used to fulfill your childhood desires

It is not unusual for kids to be selfish. Parents train and teach those animal-like kids how to live in the society as a person, but the parents are human too, so it could be hard to come face-to-face with their kids every time.

Everyone has the experience that you acted up wanting something and were told no and scolded. Because the kids don’t want to get scolded, they start to stop being selfish gradually, but the frustrations they felt stay and get pushed in the back of their minds.

When you become an adult who can do anything freely, you unknowingly try to work off your childhood frustrations. Also, you want the person you love the most to fulfill the desires… From this viewpoint, let’s take at look at the list.

  • She doesn’t apologize even if she is wrong.
  • She gets mad if the present is not expensive.
  • She tells me to come immediately!
  • She tells me to contact her everyday.
  • She gets mad if I don’t act the way she wants.

In addition to these, there are other things that would really trouble your boyfriend if you tell him, such as “Which is more important between your work and me?” “Please buy that for me,” “Do you like me? How much?” “Don’t talk to other girls,” and etc. Probably, this would ring a bell for many people.

All of these are methods to measure his love for you, right? Well, isn’t it totally same as what you were doing to your mother? Isn’t your “want to be loved” an extension of being selfish as a child wanting someone who can be a substitute of your mother?

But it’s okay. If you can realize that, you are already seeing the path to the real happiness with him.

Love the little you again

Once you realize that the selfishness that is troubling your boyfriend is coming from your childhood frustrations, you can start to build your true matured love then.

The first step is to comfort the little you. If your request for him to “text me everyday!” was turned down, try to think about it as if you were a mother listening to a young girl.

How would you, the mother of this little girl, listen to her complain, “○○ doesn’t text me, even though I want it every day”? Perhaps, you would put your hands on her shoulders and want to lead her to the right path.

“I see. That’s sad. Wouldn’t it be great if he texted you. But, I don’t think ○○ is not texting you because he wants to be mean to you. If he has something he has to do, he can’t text every day, right?

If △△ (You) is texting all the time without doing what I asked for, then I would get mad. And, if ○○ keeps asking you to text him while you are working hard, then don’t you think you won’t feel good about it?

Actually, if he said he would wait because △△ was busy, wouldn’t you like him more?

If you could realize you were not being reasonable, you have passed the selfishness already. By remembering what “the mother” said, you can stop yourself before making the same mistakes.

If you couldn’t stop yourself, you just need to think about it as “the mother” to see what went wrong.

Thus, you as a mother who wants to love her kid, love you who wanted to be loved, again. Then, you will understand how your actual mother who was busy felt and your childhood frustrations would be worked off little by little.

Make him The One for you

Actually, regardless of what kind of an adult you are, for both men and women, we all live with the frustrations. By doing the things mentioned above, not all the frustrations can be worked off, but you can accept your partner’s childishness if you have that experience.

Once you understand that, the ways to both love and be loved would change. You are not the only one who wants to be comforted. So does he. If you give the comfort to him first, you will be the person he can trust the most in the world.

However, what you should not forget is that you and your partner are equal. You can’t just be a mother. He needs to be a father too. It means you depend on him when you can.

You might get worried if depending on him is same as being selfish but don’t worry. It is not the same because you’ve become the mother already.

If his girlfriend who is a saint always accepting his desires, depends on him this time, then he would accept her more generously. He is a man after all. Men naturally think that they want to protect women, so he would try to be the father hard enough to make you laugh.

If he can’t do it and is just going back to be a child, then you should just let him go. He is not a much of a man as we call it.

The relationship where both of you can accept the childishness and comfort each other, is strong. You can strengthen the real bonds between you and him and you will want to stay together forever. And, the marriage will be very happy one. Don’t you want to have a talk once with the little you about where the “I want to be loved” is coming from?

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